We arrived in Hangzhou in April, along with several other friends and relatives, and the wedding party was gathered at a villa — more a bed & breakfast by American standards, I’d say — in the hills in the western part of Hangzhou. It’s a lovely place, and they’d booked the entire thing for the wedding. We got to meet Cathy’s parents, her swarm of bridesmaids, and assorted other friends, while “double happiness” stickers were plastered everywhere.
(There is a character — the character for happiness doubled — that is traditionally used at every wedding, and only at weddings. It’s all over Chinese weddings.)
And on Saturday morning, April 16th, the games began.
I mean that literally. Chinese wedding customs vary a lot with social class, location, and other factors, but for Hangzhou’s professional class they apparently traditionally start with games. The bride, her parents, and her women (bridesmaids, friends, servants, whoever) hole up in the family compound — or in this case, since the Li family doesn’t have a family compound in Hangzhou, in the villa — while the groom and his people are thrown out. The groom must then win his way to the bride’s side by a mixture of bribery, wit, skill, and persistence.
This starts by tossing small gifts over the gate to get the attention and general good will of those inside. These gifts are traditionally candy and money; the money is token amounts in little red envelopes, called “hongbao.” Julian used this as a way to get rid of odd bits of currency he had accumulated in his travels — mostly South Korean won, but also Singapore dollars, Slovakian koruna (which haven’t been legal tender since 2009), Ukrainian hryvnia, and so on. The bridesmaids collected this and then started posing challenges, such as asking what Cathy’s favorite color is (it took him three guesses and a hint), or what her mother’s name is (Cathy had always just called her “Mama,” so he didn’t know).
At one point a local woman came by carrying a baby; Julian borrowed the kid and lifted him up above the gate to coax the bridesmaids into opening the gate. They were highly amused, but didn’t open up.
Eventually, though, he won his way into the courtyard and faced the second door, into the residence. I don’t remember most of the challenges at this level, but they demanded he demonstrate his physical fitness by doing push-ups. He didn’t want to mess up his nice wedding shirt, so it took a moment to find a suitable spot for that. He used up his remaining supply of hongbao and candy, but eventually was allowed into the villa.
The third and final door was the door to Cathy’s bedchamber. The first big challenge here was that a napkin was slid out to him, under the door; it had been folded in quarters, and each quadrant held a lipstick print. He was told to identify which one came from his bride, rather than one of the bridesmaids.
His mother and I, and a couple of groomsmen, were there to help, and we eliminated three possibilities, so he guessed the fourth — but it turned out to be a trick question; none of them were Cathy’s. To make up for this failure, the last big challenge was that he and the two groomsmen there were to put on lipstick, take selfies, and send them to Cathy’s phone. (Or maybe a bridesmaid’s phone, I’m not sure.)
This was tricky because almost all the women were in Cathy’s room, but someone (I think Julie, but I don’t remember for certain) eventually found a lipstick a bright enough shade of red to show up in photos. It took one of the groomsmen a couple of tries to apply enough to satisfy the women, but at last it was done, and after a few promises to always do what Cathy wanted, Julian was admitted to the chamber.
There Cathy was waiting, in her bridal attire, on the bed, which was strewn with peanuts, dates, lotus seeds, and walnuts; the names of those four items are a Chinese pun, meaning “Have a baby soon.” Julian was not quite done with his tasks, though; the last one was to find a hidden slipper and put it on Cathy’s foot.
When that was finally done the games were over, and matters proceeded to the formal ritual, wherein the parents sit side by side, and the bride and groom bow to them and offer them cups of tea. The parents indicate their approval of the match, and the friendship of the two families, by presenting the newlyweds with red envelopes of cash (and not a mere token sum like the ones Julian was tossing over the gate), and then exchanging gifts representing the families’ heritage. We gave Cathy’s parents a bottle of Maker’s Mark bourbon, representing Julian’s birth in Kentucky, and a box of fancy Maryland-made candies; they gave us an antique marriage bowl (now displayed on our wall) and a bag imprinted with a famous Chinese painting.
And that was that, and after regrouping a little, most of us went out to a fancy lunch Cathy had arranged at a nearby restaurant.