I watch a lot of TV competitions, especially singing, dancing, and cooking shows. I watch other TV, too, of course. (No, I am not one of those pseudo-intellectuals who boasts about not owning a TV; I prefer to stay connected to my native culture.) Two of my favorites are Dancing with the Stars and So You Think You Can Dance (hereafter SYTYCD).

I was watching SYTYCD last night, when they introduced this year’s Top Twenty, the ones who survived the audition process and now move on to the live shows where viewers vote on who stays. This year they had three ballroom dancers make the cut, a man and two women, and when they were introduced they danced a trio. I made some remark to my wife about ballroom dancers not generally having much experience in trios, but then I remembered that on the season recently completed, Dancing with the Stars did ballroom trios one night. Maybe this is the coming thing?

And if so, what does this mean?

I’ll tell you what it means — it means that all those people saying that legalizing gay marriage means that soon we’ll be bringing back polygamy were right! Yes, the evil masterminds who have been running Hollywood’s propaganda campaigns foresee inevitable victory in their drive for same-sex marriage, and are starting on the next step in destroying all that’s right and pure in American marriage.

After all, we all know that Hollywood has been pushing the homosexual agenda ever since they introduced a gay neighbor on The Jeffersons and presented him as a regular person rather than a disgusting pervert. That was back in 1975; they think long-term, those evil masterminds. They’ve kept up a steady pressure ever since, indoctrinating young viewers, which has finally paid off in half a dozen states. Now that they’ve got a foothold there, they assume that in time the rest of the country will come around, and it’s time to start gearing up the next phase.

What better place than dance shows? SYTYCD has already been doing same-sex couples for a few seasons now, so now they can advance beyond that. Add that to cable shows like Big Love, and prominent Mormons like Mitt Romney and the Osmonds, and it becomes obvious where this is going.

Thirty years from now, polygamy will be back, you can bet on it.

And then — well, then, just as the right wing warned us, it’ll be time to remove the laws limiting us to marrying within our own species. I think we can expect to see Hollywood presenting us with images of people dancing with all sorts of things, rather than just other people.

Oh, wait — they already have!